whenever I tell someone “I’m tired” and they say “go to sleep” and I say “I’m not that type of tired” and they say “there’s only one type of tired” I always feel amazed. Astounded. How do they not know the different versions of tired.
Physical exhaustion from the chronic illness. Not drowsy, but needs to lay down. Maybe my Hashimoto’s or bad knees or plantar fasciitis is acting up, but either way, I need to relax with an ice pack and a tens unit.
emotional exhaustion. The type of “tired” people mean when they say “I’m sick and tired of x.” I’m so numb and usually I’d be about one minor inconvenience away from snapping but the exhaustion of being alive has gotten so heavy that I don’t even notice inconveniences anymore.
drowsiness. If I’m trying to tell someone I need to sleep, I’ll say “I’m sleepy” or “I want to go to bed.”
unable to process what’s going on but the closest word I can use to describe how I’m feeling is “tired.”
5. The kind of tired that comes with severe brain fog. You don’t mean to be struggling so much just to answer a simple question, but you are. And the effort makes it worse.
Merlin: Do you know how many people lived there as Gaius’ apprentice before me?
Uther: What?
Merlin: It could belong to any of them. Even from before the purge.
Uther: Why should I believe that that’s not your book?
Merlin: I’m a peasant from a farm village of about twenty people.
Uther: So?
Merlin: I can’t read.
Uther: You… could have learned it here?
Merlin: From whom? Gaius doesn’t have time for that. And I don’t have time myself anyway with the amount of tasks Arthur gives me everyday. Or are you suggesting that Arthur is teaching me? Absolutely not.
Uther:
Merlin: Can I go now? I still have to wash your son’s stinky socks.
Bill Hargrove being incredibly smart and intelligent is my most intense HC I will die for.
His entire existence is pure survival. You don’t survive very long if you’re not sharp enough to read your abuser, full stop. He’s also a poor kid and a scrappy mother fucker. He knows how to evaluate a situation. He knows how to roll with the punches and base his next move on the last. He’s quick on his feet and it translates to book smarts. He’s great at problem solving, which translates to a strong head for math and engineering, and well as a decent understanding of government and civics. That only leaves english/lit and his creativity saves his ass in that.
Of corse he’s creative, I honestly headcanon Billy as an artist as well. He’s mouthy. He talks MAD shit and that honestly takes a certain level of creativity and competence to come up with insults on the fly.
But also, the HC side. His only goal and priority in life is the immediate but a big part of that is wanting to get the fuck out and away from his father, and he knows the fastest, only honestly with his economic station, way to do that is college. He needs to not only have the grades to get in but he need a scholarship. He needs funding. He’s not getting a dime from Neil and he can’t get a loan without that asshole cosigning either, which is not happening. And he knows the best way to get the fuck out of hawkins and the fuck back west is getting into a UC. So he’s a lifeguard, and he’s on the basketball team, and the baseball team, because it makes his resume and his application look real good. He won’t get into fights at school because he is not letting a disciplinary record hold him back. He writes a sob story essay for his scholarships and applications about his mom leaving and his abusive neglectful alcoholic father and his little sister he takes care of. Becuase god willing he touches the right rich old ladies heart and he can get enough cash of off campus housing and take max the fuck with him because fuck does he not like the idea of leaving her alone with that fucker. He’s got a plan.
And he’s got the charm and scharism that
He doesn’t own much besides what he can fit in the trunk of (the old beater HE bought and fixed up so Neil can’t hold over him) his car and disappear in the middle of the night to avoid the fight.
He’s already got a PO Box set up in town so Neil doesn’t get the college mailers or acceptances.
Fanfic writers be like: goddamnit, this idea is so fucking sad it’s making me cry just thinking about it. Let me write it down so I can inflict it on others.
